About Writing & Infidelity & Writing about Infidelity.
I would like to preface this with a few things.
- Not everyone knows that 95% of what I publish was written somewhere around three to six months prior to editing and publishing. I tend to sit on things until I am well over the feelings that created the piece. This way, I can edit with an open and fresh mind. (I currently have drafts sitting in my queue that have been there for over a year and a half.) Sometimes, it’s just not time to publish.
- I don’t write every single day, but when I do write, I write a LOT. 5 or 10 pieces in a night. Then days or weeks before I turn on the computer again.
- When I wrote the following piece, I was REALLY hating on the male gender. I would like to apologize in advance to all the guys with good intentions.
Why would a woman choose to be a mistress? Why would she freely give herself to a man that freely gave himself to someone other than her? I’ve never really understood that myself. I have been watching lately, a woman that is giving herself to a man. She knows that she is not the only one that he is with, yet she is with him. To me, a relationship between two people is something that is to be taken care of, cherished, protected. That relationship creating an intimacy and closeness not to be tarnished by the presence of another person. Yet so many people choose to be with people that are already in marriages or other committed relationships. It makes no sense to me how a person can give themselves to another like that.
That’s how I felt for so many years before it happened to me.
Sometimes we feel that we truly love a person and whatever their reasons, they can’t be with us, so we take what we can get. We take it in hopes of a better tomorrow, a tomorrow that gives us that other person. A tomorrow where we are able to freely and publicly love that person that we love. Hiding feelings and love for a person that we can’t truly and completely have, it can be a very difficult thing. I’ve loved a man like this, one that didn’t belong to me. I loved him with my entire heart, but I didn’t exactly choose it. HE chose me, and I let him.
He did all the right things, said all the right things and gave me a sob story about why he couldn’t leave her. He made himself look like a hero, some man that was giving up his desires and hopes for true love, by staying with his wife. I believed his stories, every damn lie. I believed him, not only because he was really good at manipulating me, but because I loved him. I had no reason to doubt him, no reason to think that he would lie about anything. I should have walked away the moment I found out that he was married, some days I wish I had. Other days, I’m thankful for the experience, the experience listening to his lies and manipulation. It’s helped me see the world through a different glass. I’m stronger, more guarded because of it.
One of the bad things about it though, he planted a seed in my heart, one of distrust and hatred. I never thought that I would be one of those women that saw all men as potential threats. I always thought that these people that believe someone is bad simply because of their gender, were completely wrong in their thinking. A person isn’t bad by definition, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt from the beginning. No, that’s not it anymore. Man after man, life has proven over and over that people can’t be trusted with the truth that is each and every one of us. We can’t open ourselves up to another person without the risk of exposure and betrayal, everyone will disappoint you, most will betray you. It’s our own job to protect ourselves. Letting someone in always comes with a risk, the question is, are we willing to take it?