It’s you I see when I close my Eyes.
My heart still aches. The wounds are still there, still bleeding from time to time. I’ve thrown myself into projects, education and such. I put my nose in a textbook, just hoping that the distraction last long enough to have some sort of peace. I should let you go, I know that. I know what I “Should Do”. Knowing and doing are two completely different things. How do I let you go? I can’t just turn off what my heart, my soul, feels for you. The possibility is just not there.
I close my eyes, and there you are. Meditation doesn’t take me from reality anymore, it takes me to you. I used to meditate and travel across the universe. Now though, now I sit down, turn on the soothing music, close my eyes , and it’s no longer a universe, it’s a small room, your face, you. When I sleep, I dream of you, of your kiss and of your arms holding me as if I am the only thing keeping you anchored in this world. That’s the way I saw it, then. Perhaps you were the anchor that kept me in this world. Perhaps you simply brought me back from the heights my spirit soared to? Perhaps YOU were the one keeping ME alive.