Stop Torturing Yourself
My friends keep telling me to stop torturing myself, to find something to get my mind off of him. I can’t. I don’t want him off of my mind. I want him there, I want to hear his voice telling me that he loves me, I want to hear his voice saying he’s coming home. I imagine it over and over again. Running into his arms as he walks through the door. Meeting him in the hallway after his footsteps have wakened me from the few hours of sleep I’ve been getting.
Sleep, I can’t sleep, and when I do manage to get an hour or two, I dream of him. I can’t let go, but really, I don’t want to let go. Not even in the least.
A few friends have told me to just be patient, give it time. Those are the words I hold onto and pray that I can.
Our home is so quiet without him here, empty, cold. I woke up sweating today, my clothes wet from so much sweating, yet the house still felt eerily cold. A vacant kind of cold, an emptiness. Maybe I truly am torturing myself, but it’s HE that brings life to my world. Everything is bleak and dark without him in it.