Anxiety – A truly ugly part of life.

Anxiety, a truly ugly part of life. Anxiety attacked me yesterday, full on assault today. I know this all too well, I hate it too. First, depression tried to keep me in bed, safe in the solitude of my bed. I wanted to stay there, I needed to stay there but I need to work even more. I considered not going, but I am having a hard enough time paying the bills right now without losing a day of work.

I finally got out of bed, and anxiety was waiting the moment my feet touched the floor. I tried to push through it, take my meds and ignore it, but the flashes of hot and cold rushing my body wouldn’t let me ignore it. If you have ever fought against anxiety just to get ready in the morning, you know how difficult it is. Alternating between the bathroom mirror and the floor in front of the toilet.

With the hot and cold flashes come the nausea and that terrible feeling in your throat that feels like hands wrapped around it, cutting off your air, making you gag. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, they all mesh together with me. The panic attacks are the worst though, outwardly I can’t hide them like I hide the depression and anxiety.

I made it to work, a little late, but I made it. I continue to fight my way out of this. I can’t see a light at the end of it, but I know it’s there. The attacks today and yesterday, it’s all part of a larger issue, one that I’m fighting to survive. I may not be making much progress, but at least I’m trying, I’m fighting for my survival.