Day two, I feel empty Inside
I feel empty, not numb. I feel like I’m missing some essential part of myself, of my soul. Nothing means the same as it did before. The parts of me that comprise my personality don’t quite fit now. The parts of me that come together to make me who I am lack connection. The circuits, the electric current that fuels the connection is gone.
My daily worries mean nothing, I look at them and I don’t care anymore. Work doesn’t carry the same importance, I look at it and wonder what I’m doing. The things I love, my hobbies and my passions have been placed on a shelf. Sitting there like artwork that I no longer see as beautiful, now average, it’s just there.
Everywhere I look, there’s something that makes me think of you. Your sunglasses in my car, your soaps in the shower, your gifts on the bookshelf. Things in my daily life that thrust memories of us together. A simple cup of coffee, shows we watched together, the night stand on your side of the bed.
My life didn’t so much revolve around you as you have been so intertwined into it that some part of you filled all the moments. Sometimes you were the glue that held me together, sometimes you were the amazing artwork on the walls that made my days beautiful. Sometimes the reasons for my actions, the influence of my choices.
But always the air that I would breathe and the heart that gave mine purpose. My soul is grieving, my heart is weeping. I don’t know who I am without you. A world, a life wherein we are not intertwined, wherein we are no longer us, but two separate people, that world seems dark and grey. It’s seems… dreadfully empty.
-Minna Von Walden