My Uterus is a Bitch

My uterus is a bitch. My ovaries think so too.

“Hey, let’s flood our human with that hormone that makes her cry!! A little more than usual too, she needs a good cry. Let’s make it a two week cry this time. Yeah, that ought to get this period off to a robust start.”  

“Ooh oh, let’s make her bleed just a tiny bit, then stop it. Then give her a double dose of the cry hormone while she thinks she may be looking at nine months of no period and crazy hormones. Isn’t this just so much fun!  Our human is a mess!”


“Yes,  ovaries?”

“I think we should be a little nicer to her, she freaking out about this whole baby possibly. I think we’ve tormented her enough.”

“Oh Ovaries, you’re such a softie, but I guess she’s worried enough, we can take the worry away and just let her cry for a while longer. She still needs it. A good cleanse takes time.”

“Uterus, why are you being so hard on our human.I think you’ve put her through enough this month.”

“No ovaries!  Just no!  She called me a bitch. I’m showing her bitch!”

“Now bleed human, bleed unpredictably and dreadfully heavy and get it everywhere!  This is what periods are, and I am queen!! Queen fucking Uterus!! Hear me roar, feel me bleed… all over your favorite panties.”


“What now ovaries!?”

“You’re a bitch.”

-Minna Von Walden