The lies of depression

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Another lie from dear ole depression. Do they ever stop, do the lies ever just stop? No, unfortunately they never leave our hearts and minds.

Depression makes us feel unworthy, it has its ways of making us believe it too. The thoughts creep in with the moonlight, like a slow trickling leak from the upstairs apartment. Creeping into our hearts and minds with fierce persistence. It starts with our greatest desires and does it’s best to destroy anything good.

It starts with, I don’t deserve his love. I am not good enough, I can’t make him happy. He’d be better off if he found someone else and left me to my sorrows.

Depression moves further, in a domino effect.  I don’t deserve him, and I don’t deserve to be happy. Happiness wasn’t meant for me. No, certainly not me. I don’t deserve good days, I don’t deserve to smile or to love. I should stop being so foolish as to hope for any reason to experience happiness; it is simply not meant for me.

As depression gets it’s teeth in us, it creeps deeper, attacking more of our soul. I don’t deserve him, I don’t deserve happiness, I am worthless.

The lies cut deep, deeper, deeper into our hearts, our minds, our souls. The deeper they cut, the more we bleed. The more we bleed, the farther we fall, swirling in the whirlpool of self destruction.

We believe the lies, we accept the lies, we live with the lies until we are numb. We live with them until we feel no pain, we feel nothing, not even love. Sometimes we don’t go numb, we ache and bleed until we feel we can’t bear another day. Our thoughts turn dark, the sunshine is cold, the moon is empty.

We believe the lies.

-Minna Von Walden


 

 

photo credit: Amanecer veraniego via photopin (license)