I Never Mean to Hurt You
Please understand, I never mean to hurt you. It is never my intention. I do my best to control my words, to control my actions. I usually manage Ok, perhaps even quite well at times. I’d never try to hurt you with my words. I’d rather never speak again, than to release a word that would cause discomfort and pain for you. I loose control, my grip on that part of me that is different. I try to keep it hidden, caged and silent, but I’m not always strong enough to hold the cage door shut.
Please understand that I’ll not always be strong. That there will be times when I’m far too weak to even remember what it’s like to be strong. I’ll forget how to lock the door to that cage where the worst parts of me reside. That for a moment, I’ll be the person I wish no one ever knew. The anger and frustration of always being different. Working so diligently to be normal and the agony of knowing I will never be what I so desire to be.
That anger and frustration will escape the prison I lock it away in. It will slip through the grip of my hands and come pouring out like water from a broken pipe. Please do remember that I can not control it. That once it becomes so overwhelming that it escapes me, I’ve lost my control it.
I do not mean to hurt you. My words may cut you and make you bleed, but I don’t mean any of it to be harmful. Please remember it is out of my control. A terrible desperation, enormous fear and mounting frustration that overtakes me and explodes from me with an unstoppable force.